Crashing
by KataHime
Summary: Maybe it's a coping mechanism. Either way, she's drowning herself to numb the pain of her brother's death, hiding behind a cheerful facade when in reality she's miserable. (Full summary inside) Eventual GJA OT3 Rated M


**Crashing**

**Summary: Maybe it's a coping mechanism. Or maybe she just woke up one day and decided she wanted to kill herself slowly. Either way, she's drowning herself in drugs, sex and alcohol to numb the pain of her brother's death, hiding behind a cheerful facade when in reality she's miserable.**

**A/N: Eventual G/J/A, Two Teams AU, OCs are mine. Contains dark themes, substance/alcohol abuse, character death**

* * *

When she first receives the call, she's settling into a quiet night in. There's a new documentary she'd been wanting to watch, and it was the perfect way to end a long work week.

It's one of Luca's coworkers that calls, and she finds herself breaking down at the news. Car crash, no survivors. She doesn't know what to think. She wanted to believe it was a joke, but there was a part of her that knew it was true.

She takes a week off from work; three days she spends in Jefferson Parish. She buries her brother next to their parents, but not even the music from they tape recorder can't ease her tears.

* * *

The first night back in D.C. after the funeral, she's a mess. It's been four day since she found out her brother was dead, and all she wanted to do was numb the pain. She planned on having one beer, but that quickly morphed into shots. She wasn't sure how many shots she'd had before a couple, Nate and Madison, approached her. They were a few years older than her, completely charming. They chatted her up for a bit, bought her some more shots, before they asked if she'd be interested in coming to their place.

And it was a combination of alcohol and overwhelming sadness that has her accepting the invitation.

Over the next few months, she falls completely under their spell; she's never sober when she's with them, never unsatisfied, and they don't mind the hours she works, so it's a win-win for them all.

* * *

"Have you ever tried ecstasy, Abby?" Madison's long red hair was tied back in a bun as she smiled at her, holding the baggie between two fingers, morphing into a slow smirk at her negative reply, "Why don't you have a couple?"

Nate's lips are trailing along her neck, and it's her need to feel anything that has her reaching for the baggie and taking two. Madison grins at her, pours them another shot, "Bottom's up."

The ecstasy doesn't necessarily make her hornier than normal, but she could lose herself in the way they touched her. They barely have to touch her to set her off. She learns to control her lust, to let it build slowly. The payoff is always better.

* * *

Nate has Madison bent over on the couch when she walks in after a long day at NCIS. It's been two weeks since Luca's been gone, and she still can't find it in her to tell either team. Instead, she puts on a cheerful facade just to make her way through work, hoping to fool both teams and their very intuitive leaders.

Lustful blues hold her gaze, and she finds she can't look away. She wasn't sure she wanted to.

"Come play, Abby." Nate says with a smirk, nodding towards the table.

Shots line the table, along with some ecstasy tablets and a bowl filled with weed. She takes a shot and a long hit of weed from the bowl; she feels the smoke build up in her lungs, gags and coughs it out. Takes another hit, holds it in. Maybe later she'd do the ecstasy, but after the day she's had, she needed to mellow out. The buzz doesn't come until later, when Nate is deep inside her and Madison is making out with her; she knows the effects drugs have on people, knows how bad they are, how damaging, that too much alcohol could damage her liver, but she couldn't stop; anything was better than feeling numb.

* * *

She's late for work; she's late and she should care. Except she hasn't been to bed yet; in the two months since Luca's death, she spiraled down a hole she didn't want to leave: every night after work had her drinking and using any drug Madison or Nate had on hand before letting the two use her body any way they saw fit. It was better if they initiated, since they knew her body better than she did. Even if she did want to stop, she'd long since hit rock bottom, and she wasn't sure which way was up anymore.

She's still drunk from the night before, the ecstasy is still running through her veins, and Madison is buried between her thighs, doing something with her tongue that has her squirming and begging as Nate watches.

Her phone buzzes from the nightstand, but she ignores it, too focused on the high she was feeling, her orgasm building low in her belly. It doesn't stop buzzing, and it nags at her. What if it was important? Fingers brush against her cheek, drawing her thoughts back to the present.

"They'll call back if they really need you."

For a few hours, there's nothing. Between more alcohol and ecstasy and sex, she loses touch with reality as Madison and Nate make her feel. And it seems Nate was right. If they really needed her, they would've called back.

They fall asleep in a tangled mess of limbs some time around 0900.

The pounding on her apartment door wakes her sometime around ten-hundred hours. Bleary-eyed she grabs her robe, slipping it on quickly as she descends the stairs. She has a killer migraine, and something tells her that opening her door won't make it better.

"I'm coming," she calls as the knocking starts again. She wrenches the door open with a scowl, her words dying in her throat at the sight of Gibbs and Jen on the other side of the door looking peeved.

"We've been trying to call you." Jen says. Had they? "You never came in this morning. Kasie needs help."

"I called off."

"You didn't." Gibbs replies.

"Well I obviously meant to," She snaps back.

"What's going on in there?" Jen questions, trying to steal a look around her.

The pills and alcohol still litter her table, and she's sure the smell of sex lingers. But what did they care? They wouldn't be here if it wasn't because of work anyway.

"Nothing," She lies, and then adds truthfully, "I have a migraine." _And I feel so hot right now. _She wants Nate and Madison to wake up so they could play some more. Maybe then her migraine would go away. "Look, I'm sorry I forgot to call. I'll make sure I do next time."

She doesn't wait for a reply before shutting the door in their faces. She turns back around and jumps at the sight of Nate and Madison sitting on the couch.

"Don't do that." God, what if Gibbs and Jen had seen? Why did she even care if they did?

Just when she's going to move over to them, there's another knock at the door. She tries to ignore it, she does, but it's annoying as hell. She pulled the door open with an eye roll.

And maybe Gibbs and Jen look annoyed, but she's pissed and maybe still a little high as she snaps, "What now?"

"You need to come into work." Jen replies, unfazed by her mood.

"Not happening today," she snaps back.

"Abbs," Gibbs growls out.

"I told you I have a …"

"Then take some medicine," Jen interrupts her, "The teams need you. Kasie needs you. And we need you."

_I'm always going to need you, Abby. You're my big sister_. Luca's words linger in the back of her mind, and she feels her heart tighten painfully.

Before she can think to reply, she feels Nate and Madison appear behind her, warm hands exploring under her robe, soft lips against her neck. Her eyes flutter as she relaxes back into them on instinct. They felt so good.

"We're gonna watch over Abby today," Nate says with a smirk, "She shouldn't be working with a migraine anyway."

"But don't worry," Madison adds with a smirk of her own, "We'll make sure she stays in bed _all day_."

"I'll be back in tomorrow," she says, as she blindly reaches out and shuts the door again, mindful of the fact that she was nearly naked.

Madison took the moment to move over to the alcohol, while Nate presses her against the door as he roughly kissed her.

It felt so good to give up her inhibitions and just feel. She feels Madison watching from the kitchen island, a smirk on her lips as she sipped at her whiskey.

"Mmm, how's your migraine?" Nate asks.

"Manageable."

He smirks, pushing her robe off her shoulders, "Good." This was where she wanted to be. Madison hands her a shot and then another, and she downed them without a second thought. Nate nudges her to her knees.

Madison strokes her hair as she lets Nate use her mouth, "You're just what we've been looking for, Abby. You know that?"

Theirs. Anything was better than being numb.

* * *

She'd gone into work the day before, maybe still a bit drunk and high, and oversaw while Kasie worked, sitting in her office, a migraine pulsing behind her right eye. She knew Kasie was worried, but she pushed away the concern. Except for the incident two weeks ago, she'd been coming to work every day. The day after it happened, she'd avoided both team leaders and Vance, holed away in her office, letting Kasie take point with the findings.

She was sure she lost control at some point, but she couldn't remember and didn't want to stop. Madison and Nate made her feel like life was worth living, and the drugs and alcohol helped numb the pain. Nothing else mattered.

* * *

"Just try it," Nate says, and she's sober enough to know to refuse.

She was fine with the weed and the ecstasy and the alcohol, but there was no way in hell she was touching heroin.

"No way."

"You're making a big deal out of nothing, Abbs," Madison says, slowly kissing her neck, "One hit isn't going to hurt."

"Needles are all clean, sterile. Heroin's good. My dealer…"

"I said no," she pulls away from Madison, glares at Nate, "I don't even want that in my apartment."

"Don't be a buzzkill, Abby," Madison replies.

"Get it out," she answers firmly.

"Just try it first before you condemn it," Nate says, "Come on. We'll do it together."

"I said no."

Madison rolls her eyes, "Nate just forget it. She's not going to do it. Come on, I wanna get wasted."

Still feeling uneasy about the situation, she retreats to her room and shuts the door, leaning back against it. She was far from legally intoxicated, and yet she wished she had at least grabbed a blunt or a bottle of beer before holing herself in here. God, she was a mess.

She pulls out her phone, hitting speed dial 1.

* * *

Jen was curled up in his arms, fast asleep, when his cell started going off from the bedside table. Half-asleep, he reached for it, hoping it wasn't a case.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Gibbs, I didn't know who else to call."

Her speech was slurred, and he got an uneasy feeling in his stomach, "Where are you, Abbs?"

He could hear a sound behind her, and she didn't answer right away, "Home. Nate and Madison are here. Come get me?"

"I'll be there in five," He hung up, shaking Jen's shoulder gently, "Jenny?"

"I heard," Jen rolled out of his arms, albeit unwillingly, her voice laden with exhaustion, "Go get your girl."

He rolled his eyes, "Be right back. Love you."

"Love you too."

* * *

He knocks loudly on the front door, and it swings open to reveal Nate, who glares at him.

"What do _you _want?" His eyes are unfocused and glassy.

He ignores him and steps inside. The smell of alcohol and weed is pugnant, and it makes his stomach roll. The woman, Madison, watches him warily from the couch, looking just as strung out. When he moves to the spiraling staircase, she calls out to him.

"She just needs some weed to chill her out, man. Not some knight in shining armor."

He feels the wave of anger suddenly wash over him. Had this been why Abby had been so distant these last few months? Because she'd been drinking and getting high with these losers?

He knocks on the bedroom door, "Abby, open up."

It swings open and Abby, very unsteadily, rushes into his arms, "Gibbs!"

He felt his heart clench tightly as he wrapped his arms around her. It had been too long since they had hugged, and he didn't realize how much he'd missed it until right this moment, "Come on, taking you home."

The journey down the stairs is easy, and he's glad that Abby wasn't that drunk. Nate glares from the front door. He moved his jacket to the side to show his glock, arching an eyebrow as it to say _Don't make me use this_. The man wisely backed away. He'd have DiNozzo check in the morning if the two had left.

He helps Abby into the car and buckled her in, despite her protests that she could do it herself, before he started on the quick ride home. It's silent and he doesn't want to push her. She was drunk and…

"Luca's dead."

He slams the breaks, turning to look at her, ignoring the sounds of the car horns as the cars behind were forced around him. Abby probably doesn't even realize she's crying, and he reaches out to wipe at the tears.

"How?" He asks.

Abby and Luca were extremely close, and it broke his heart to see her so sad, "Car crash. A few months ago. He's gone, Gibbs. My little brother is gone."

He kept driving, one hand on her knee; they don't say anything for the rest of the short trip. He gets her a change of clothes from the guest room, and she changes in the bathroom.

She's never once used the guest room, accustomed to his bed, a platonic gesture that he's never regretted. She doesn't seem phased that Jen is laying there asleep, just wiggles her way into the bed. He sighs as he falls into bed between the two women, Abby falling silent beside him as she succumbs to the call of sleep. Jen reaches out for him, sighing contently. He closes his eyes, letting sleep claim him.

* * *

The sunlight streaming through the windows wakes her. She blinks, rubbing the sleep from her eyes before stretching slowly. Sundays were always a day to sleep in, and she enjoyed the extra hours of sleep, of not having to go into the office unless there was an emergency. Jethro was still sleeping beside her, and she smiled softly. It was probably more rare that he slept in, always up early for one reason or another. With him having to go out to get Abby last night, she knew he needed his rest. Which reminded her…

She leaned over his frame, but the opposite side of the bed was empty. She frowned softly. Abby had definitely slept here last night, she'd heard the two of them come into the room, after all.

The sound of the shower pulls her from her thoughts, and she heads towards the bathroom. As she got closer, she could make out one of Abby's bands playing from her phone. She lets out a small sigh of relief. It wasn't that she thought Abby would just up and leave, but she had no idea what was going on with her lately, and that worried her. Even when she'd been Director, there was always something about Abby that made her want to protect her. She'd been the youngest (and unofficial) member on Team Gibbs, the one that still saw the good in the world. Maybe it was because she was Jethro's favorite, but the feeling hadn't changed over these last six years. Even after stepping down and getting her own team, the Abby Effect was ingrained in her body.

She knocked on the door just as it opened, and Abby blinked at her a couple times, her hair cascading around her shoulders, a robe loosely tied, revealing just the barest hint of skin.

"That's my robe."

Abby blushes just slightly, "I forgot my clothes in the guest room. Was trying to be modest."

"Not a problem." They really shouldn't just be standing here in the doorway. The steam from the bathroom was still warm, and she didn't like the way her thoughts were headed, "Do you mind if I?" She nodded towards the bathroom.

"Oh! Sorry!" Abby brushed past her, and she slipped inside, quickly shutting the door.

* * *

When she re-enters the bedroom, she notices that Jethro has moved back to his side of the bed and that Abby had taken his spot in the middle, curled into him; she offered a small smile before it dropped quickly at his expression. Something was wrong.

She crosses to the bed quickly, "What happened?"

Abby shook her head wildly, unwilling to speak, tears streaming down her face. Jethro stroked her back gently, looking over at her as she joined them on the bed.

"DiNozzo called. Nate and Madison, the ones who were staying with Abby," he clarified, and she nodded, "They're both dead. Heroin was bad. He and Quinn are getting the others and Duck."

"Do we need to…" she started to ask, and then stopped.

He shook his head, "They've got it. Abby will need to make a positive I.D., but right now," He shrugged.

Abby took a gasping breath, trying to control her tears and failing miserably, her voice choked sobs, "H-He said it was g-good. Said his dealer, and-and they kept trying to get me, kept trying to get me to do it with them! But I knew, I knew it was a bad idea."

"Shhh," Jen said softly, stroking her hair gently, "Oh sweetie, it's okay."

"No, don't you get it?! It's my fault!"

"No, no," Jethro replied softly, unphased by her outburst, "Nothing you could've done. They did it. You couldn't have changed their minds."

Abby started to cry again, shifting to bury in her arms, and neither she nor Jethro tried to fight it, just let her cry until she wore herself out.

"Her apartment's a crime scene," he said once Abby had fallen back asleep.

"Mm," she acknowledged softly before she looked up at him to see him watching Abby with a tender smile, "She'll always be welcome here, Jethro. No matter what."

* * *

***9 months later***

Abby sighs contently as she boards a plane back to D.C. It had been nearly a year since her brother had died, and with each passing day, while it didn't get easier, it became a tiny bit more manageable. Or as manageable as it could be when that hole in her heart was still there. She missed their daily talks, the trips for Habitat for Humanity; she'd cried when she didn't receive her Thanksgiving and Christmas cards, found last year's just for the memory. It was hard, but she did it, one day at a time.

Pulling herself out of the drug and alcohol addiction had been more challenging. Nights when she felt like she was going stir crazy without the weed to help her sleep, without the ecstasy and alcohol to get her mind off work. But day-by-day, she'd done it. Not alone, not by a long shot, but she'd still done it.

Stepping off the plane three hours later, she smiled softly. She'd been gone for a week; though it was initially supposed to be for a couple days, she'd stopped in to see Pride and his team and had gotten roped into an intriguing case.

She sees Gibbs and Jen waiting at the arrival gate and can't stop her smile. A lot had changed in these last months, and that had started not long after Nate and Madison's deaths. After living there for nearly a week, as her apartment was a crime scene, Gibbs and Jen had asked her to move in, to give them a chance to make her happy. And it had taken a few days of debate, to sort out her thoughts, to make sure this was what she truly wanted and it wasn't just the grief talking, before she'd agreed.

They pull her in close for a hug, and she sighs as she rests in their arms.

"No signs?" She asks.

"Oh, no, there are signs all over your lab," Jen confirms as they head towards the exit.

"And you'll see them tomorrow, when you go in," Gibbs adds, looping an arm around her waist as they start to head to the car.

"Tomorrow? Gibbs, it's like 9 am. What about work?"

"We haven't seen you in a week. Teams can handle it." Gibbs replies.

"But…" she starts.

"It's okay," Jen interrupts, "Promise. We can take the day off without the agency collapsing."

She doesn't speak again until they're walking into the house, discarding her shoes and placing her carry-on by the basement steps.

"And Leon is okay with you both taking off?" She asks, "Does he even know you're skipping work to…"

Jen silences her with a kiss, and she lets out a low moan as she returns it, "I'm sure if Leon knew why we were skipping, he would've denied the requests."

"And we can't have that," Gibbs adds, pulling her into his own kiss, "So it's gonna be our little secret."

She sighs softly, looking between them with a smirk, "Fine. But only because you're both so cute."

The two exchange a look and she takes that as her chance to run, laughing as they chase her up the stairs. She was theirs, wholly and completely, and it took her hitting rock bottom to discover that she didn't need to claw her way back up, she just needed someone to reach out their hand.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


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